


I'll give you my heart

by random_firework



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, Episode: s08e19 Taxi Driver, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Implied Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealous Sam Winchester, M/M, Makeup Sex, Past Amelia Richardson/Sam Winchester, Sam Has Self-Worth Issues, Samulet, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 22:38:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6539338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_firework/pseuds/random_firework
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam thinks it's the right time to give the Samulet back to Dean. It may be not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Throw it away (again)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an anonymous prompt on Tumblr: "sam reveals that he had the samulet all this time and offers it back to dean. dean doesn't take it really well for some reason"
> 
> This work is unbeta'd, every mistake is mine. Don't hesitate to let me know if you find a typo.
> 
> This is pure angst, please don't hate me and don't read if you don't want to be sad afterwards.  
> Edit: Fluffy/smutty makeup scene in Chapter 2 ;)

“Dean? Come on, say something man.”

It was like time had frozen around Sam. His brother had his eyes fixed on the sheets, where Sam had placed the amulet. Sex the night before had been good. Well, it always was with Dean. But for the first time since this brother had come back, it had been almost tender. For the rest of the night, Sam had been staying awake, thinking, and had decided at dawn, with a rush of adrenaline, that now would be the right time. Everything would be alright from now on, he was sure of it. 

His last ray of hope however died as Dean looked at him sharply and asked:

“Sam, why did you keep this?”

“I don’t know, I-I, uh,” Sam stammered, all of his confidence now definitely gone. “I always thought one day you’d want it back.”

_I always thought one day you’d want me back._

“Yeah, what made you think that?”

“Dean, we always…” Sam began. His voice died when Dean stood up and put on a T-shirt, turning his back to Sam.

“We always what? Run back to each other? Forgive the other for the most awful things?” He turned toward him and locked his eyes with his. Sam liked it better when Dean didn’t look at him at all. Nothing was still better than this mix of feelings in his eyes. Condescension, annoyance – anger, even? – and something else too than Sam couldn’t quite figure out. “This is messed up, Sam, you know it. And I’m tired of it, okay? I’m not something you can throw away and win back with my favorite food or a fucking necklace! That’s not how it works!”

Hurt. It was repressed hurt in the back of Dean’s eyes, in the way his bottom lip quivered and his jaw clenched.

Sam, confused, sat up, leaning against the headboard of the bed. “Dean I never meant to throw you away. What made-” He cut himself off as he understood and stood up. “This is about Amelia, isn’t it?” 

Dean didn’t answer but Sam didn’t need him to.

“Dean, come on! I left her as soon as you came back.”

“This isn’t about Amelia! This is about you, Sam! This is about you running away. For Stanford, for Ruby, Amelia, whatever. You let me down and then expect me to take you back, every damn time. I can’t count on you like…”

Sam’s guilt turned into anger at Dean’s unfinished sentence.

“You can’t count on me like you can count on Benny,” he said with a bitter smile.

Dean stared at him for a moment. A tiny part of Sam hoped that it would stop now. Dean would shake his head at his puppy dog eyes and say with a grin that _no, of course, Sam was still his pain-in-the-ass little brother and he would always be there for him, no matter what, because that’s what family is for, right?_ just like when they were little and Sam was afraid Dean would leave him one day. 

But Dean let out: “Yeah, exactly” and Sam felt like not only his heart but his whole body was being crushed and thrown into thin air. But damn if he was going to let it show. As Dean resumed his dressing, he took the amulet in his hands.

“Then I think we don’t need this anymore. Wanna throw it away again? Or the first time was enough?” 

“You do whatever you want with it, Sam. But then again, that’s what you’ve always done, right?” Dean asked nonchalantly while he put on his jacket.

Again, a voice coming from the deepest part of Sam screamed that it wasn’t too late, that they could fix this, like they had fixed everything else. He couldn’t give up Dean, not like this. But Sam was tired and angry, and so, so hurt. He threw the amulet in the trashcan near the door. It landed with a metallic sound, like a bell announcing the end of everything they had been.

“Why are you still here?” he spat. “Go to Benny. Don’t wanna make your boyfriend wait.” 

Dean lifted his eyes from the bin. “Screw you, Sam,” he said before finally opening the door and going out in the cold and dark morning air. 

Sam wanted to scream and make a fuss. He wanted to go after Dean, pin him to the ground and mark him with his fists, to force him to listen. But all he could do was sit back on the edge of the bed and murmur: “Right back at you.”


	2. And take it back (forever)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked by several people for a fix-it so here you go!

Sam didn’t look back in the trashcan where he had thrown the amulet before leaving the motel. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He didn’t call Amelia either. Dean had been right. _Both feet in or both feet out._ Amelia deserved to have a normal life. And despite everything he had said and thought the last year, he wasn’t ready to leave Dean. Yes, even though they tried to make it look like everything was okay, pursuing an old Winchester tradition of not talking about what could hurt, things weren’t great between them. But he still had hope that he could right the wrong he had done. He wouldn’t leave his brother again or let him down. That’s what Sam said to himself every night before going to bed, trying to face his reflection in the mirror after brushing his teeth. That’s what he repeated every morning when his eyes fell on the shape his brother made under the covers. Day after day, month after month, the same routine. 

 

The night he came back from Purgatory, Sam didn’t think twice before knocking at Dean’s door. What he wanted to say was still blurry in his mind but he knew he had to talk to his brother. He needed Dean to know. 

“Sam? You okay?” Dean asked with a sleepy voice as Sam slipped in and turned on the light.

Without answering, he sat on the edge of his brother’s bed and stroked the sheets absent-mindedly. They were silky soft, like his but better, because Dean slept in them. He thought for a moment that it would be nice to sleep in them, next to his brother. But he wiped the idea from his mind quickly. Dean would never let it happen. And he would be right. 

“I’m sorry about Benny,” he finally said, eyes fixed on the floor.

“Sam-” Dean began, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Let me finish, Dean. Please.” He sighed. “I know he meant a lot to you. I should have brought him back with me. I screwed up. You were right, you can’t count on me. But I’m trying, Dee, I-”

He cut himself off when Dean yanked his shoulder to turn him toward him.

“Sammy, what the hell are you talking about?” His eyes were so wide and green, Sam wanted to dive in them, just like he used to before everything went wrong. 

“I made a mistake, I let you down, but don’t leave me, please. Don’t hate me even more.” 

Suddenly, Sam felt Dean gripping his arms and shaking him firmly. 

“Sam! Hey, listen to me.” He stopped shaking him but hold his grip. “I do _not_ hate you, Sammy. And I never will, no matter what you do. You hear me? _Never._ ”

When he felt tears running down his cheeks, Sam tried to turn away from Dean but his brother wiped them away for him.

“Same goes for leaving you. _Never._ Okay?” he said, softer this time.

Despite Dean’s best efforts, Sam couldn’t stop shaking and crying silently. He wanted to believe what Dean was saying, with all his heart, but he couldn’t bring himself to it. For months he had lived with the conviction that his brother despised him. It was too much all at once for him to process.

“But what you said…” His words dissolved into a coughing fit Dean tried to soothe with gentle strokes on his back. When it ended, he pulled him into his arms but Sam didn’t miss the concern in his eyes, nor did he miss the “Oh, God” murmured in his hair. 

“I was wrong, Sam. I was…blinded by jealousy.” 

To ground himself, Sam focused on the steady heartbeat of his brother. 

“Now I’m not saying we don’t have some issues, obviously. But you don’t have to worry, we’ll figure them out, like we always do. You have enough on your plate right now.” 

Sam nodded against Dean’s chest and reluctantly pulled out from the hug. His breathing had steadied and his mind cleared when he looked up at his brother’s caring expression. He was about to stand up on his feet when Dean put a hand on his. 

“Stay here tonight.”

“What? You’re sure?”

In response, Dean slid to the other edge of the bed. Sam turned the light off then awkwardly slipped under the covers. They hadn’t been intimate like this since the infamous night. Dean tugged him closer and pressed himself against his chest. Naturally, Sam’s hand fell on his brother’s hip. 

“Here. Now you’ll be sure that I don’t leave you,” Dean whispered with a smile, before approaching his lips from Sam’s. “And that I don’t hate you.” 

It was a perfect kiss. Unrushed but passionate nonetheless. The kind of kiss that leaves you panting against your partner’s mouth a few seconds only before going at it again, because you need it like you need air. More, maybe. Soon, the dance Sam and Dean had repeated and perfected over the last eighteen years began, Sam’s hands caressing Dean’s rib under his shirt before removing it, while the latter was pushing Sam’s pajamas down his thighs. They were both half naked and half hard when Dean put a hand on his brother’s forehead.

“You’re sure you’re feeling good enough?” 

The gesture, so brotherly and chaste, contrasted so much with the situation that Sam almost laughed. “I’m good.” 

Sam took the opportunity of Dean opening the drawer where the lube was and turning on the light to take off his own shirt. 

“Sammy, always so eager,” Dean grinned when he turned back.

“It’s because I’ve missed you,” Sam let out in a breath. When his brother didn’t answer, he closed his eyes. He shouldn’t have said that. Dean didn’t need this pathetic shit. He was going to call the all thing off now.

The kisses deposed on his jaw took him by surprise, as well as the stroking on his cheek. He opened his eyes to see his brother hovering over him. He kept kissing him all the way down his pubis and, without further ado, took the head of Sam’s cock between his lips, like he was sucking on a lollipop.

“Oh, God, Dean…” 

Sam reached down to grab at his brother’s hair. Slowly but surely – and killing Sam in the process – Dean took all of Sam’s dick in his mouth. When Sam opened his eyes he had closed because of the intensity of his pleasure and saw what his brother was doing at the same time, he moaned and jerked into the mouth sucking him. Dean had lost his boxers and, if one of his hands was gently massaging Sam’s pelvis, the other was moving about between his ass cheeks. As Dean started to suck eagerly, Sam’s breathing accelerated. 

“Dean, Dean, I-”

Suddenly, everything stopped. Sam, still panting, watched his brother crawl back towards him, until they were face to face. 

“Now now Sammy, let’s skip to the best part,” he murmured.

Suddenly, with Dean’s deep, dark green eyes just in front of his and his body open and wonderful under his hands, Sam felt doubt invading him once again. 

“I don’t deserve you, this, I don’t-”

Dean slid his lips against his. 

“Yes, you do. Oh, little brother, you deserve so much.” He straightened up and took Sam’s cock in his hand, guiding it toward his hole. “Relax, okay? I’ll take care of you.” They both held their breath as Dean sank onto it. Sam was trying so hard not to come right away that he barely heard Dean’s moans. 

“Aah, Sam, feels so good,” Dean panted, eyes closed.

“Oh, Dean, so-fuck-so…tight.” 

Dean began to move slowly, with a circular movement, making Sam go crazy. To busy himself, he let his hands rest on Dean’s hips. They fit perfectly. They always did. Just like Sam fit perfectly inside of Dean. Warm, beautiful Dean, and his sinful whimpers.

“God, Sammy, always so good for me.” He started to ride Sam earnestly, leaning his arms against the headboard for leverage. When Sam took his already very pretty hard dick in his hand and jerked him off at the same rhythm, he felt him tightening around his and he heard a strangled moan coming from himself. Dean opened his eyes and grinned at him.

“Feel that Sammy? Feel me around you? This is for you, all for my little brother.” He did it again and this time, Sam lost it. He pulled Dean on him, and fucked into him like there was no tomorrow. He knew his nails were probably leaving traces on his brother’s back but he didn’t care, because Dean was letting him do this to him. He trusted and loved him and they were together, forever and ever. He knew it now. 

Dean encouraged him with his screams and his dirty, jolting, talk. “Yeah, oh right there Sam! Fuck…Ah! Gonna make me come so hard.” 

The last words, panted against Sam’s ear, along with a tug at his hair, made it for Sam. 

“Dee-Dee, I’m…”

“Yeah, baby, I’m close too. Let go, Sammy, I gotcha,” Dean babbled against his neck.

One, two, three deep thrusts and Sam was coming inside of his brother, who followed soon after, shooting long white strips on Sam’s torso.

Sam felt Dean collapsing next to him. They were both out of breath and already half asleep, but Sam took some of his last forces to turn and look at his brother, who had a dreamy smile on his lips.

“All good?”

Sam nodded. Everything that had happened previously seemed like a bad dream. The amulet, Amelia, Benny, it didn’t matter anymore. What he had with Dean was beyond all of that. That’s the last thought he had before drifting off, after Dean had cleaned them both and joined him back in the bed. Sure, they had their problems, but they would always find their way back to each other, Dean encircling Sam’s waist from behind, head resting against his neck. They fit perfectly.

 

When Sam woke up the next morning, Dean was still there by his side, watching him intently. Sam’s heart was thumping as he waited for him to say that the last night was a mistake and that he wouldn’t let him come near his bed ever again. But Dean smiled brightly and Sam’s worries disappeared. They stayed quiet for some time, savoring the presence of each other. It was sweet, warm, gentle, just like the morning after their first time. 

“Sammy?” Dean asked while he stroked his arm up and down, distractedly.

“Yeah?”

“The amulet…” 

Sam’s chest tightened at this mention. “Yeah?” he repeated.

“You cared about it a lot, right?”

“I guess. It’s silly, I know, it’s just a trinket after all. But…When you wore it, it was a reminder that you still…” He took a deep breath before finding the right words. “Anything could happen, but I’d always have you, somehow.”

Dean nodded and turned his back to Sam to open the drawer of his nightstand. When he faced him again, the familiar necklace hanging from his neck, Sam almost pinched himself. He was dreaming. Dean couldn’t have kept it. And yet it was there. He approached his hand from his brother’s torso and put it on the cold metal. 

“Couldn’t let it in that trash. I just _had to_ , you know,” Dean tried to explain.

But Sam didn’t need no explanation. He knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I think this is it for this fic. I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you thought of it? :)


End file.
